The Weightiest Issues of 2012

This past year, I was overcome with happiness about two enormous issues that will, hopefully, eventually affect millions.

First: The Mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg, decided to make it against the law to sell many sweetened drinks in containers larger than 16 ounces. The second: McDonald’s finally decided to list the calorie content on all the items on their menu.

I don’t know if these things mean anything to a lot of people, but, to me, they mean everything in the exhausting fight against obesity.

Let’s tackle NYC’s “soda ban,” which will go into effect in March of 2013. I know some of you love soda; however, I call soda the Devil’s urine! That’s right; I said it, the Devil’s urine! It doesn’t offer anybody anything in any way to make them healthier. For goodness sake, you can pour soda on a car battery to dissolve the acid on the connectors! Why you would want to put that in your body?  What do you think it does to your esophagus, God forbid you have gastroesophageal reflux?!

Let’s not just crucify soda – let’s also talk about high-sugar juices. We mistakenly drink a lot of juice because we think it’s so good for us. But when you add up the amount of sugar that’s in these processed juice drinks, it could definitely top the sugar content of soda. Am I the only one that remembers when you went to a restaurant a long time ago, when you ordered juice, it would come out in a tiny glass? That’s because that was the juice of one or two oranges! No one ever needs the juice of 6 oranges for breakfast. If you want that much juice, then eat 6 oranges! At least you get some fiber. So, kudos to the city of New York, and I hope that my beautiful city of New Orleans, as overweight as it is, can follow suit.

Now, let’s tackle the second issue. I think McDonald’s has done a monumental thing by letting people know exactly how many calories are in their offerings. It’ll make the amount of calories we consume when we go to these kinds of places very real. A lot of people hate McDonald’s. I don’t hate McDonald’s because McDonald’s has its place – it’s supposed to be a treat. The problem is people started using McDonald’s as their sole source of food intake and that, my friends, is a huge problem. So, thank you, McDonald’s, for letting us know exactly how many calories are in each one of your cheeseburgers. And thank you to Mayor Bloomberg for allowing me to have faith in the common sense judgment of civil servants once again!