Written by Yolanda Hadid
Thank you so much for the extraordinary kindness and empathy. Knowing that you care and that you are now aware of this confusing disease is all I could ask for as I work my way through the darkness of this maze. I will try to address some of the most common questions I get asked here. As I write, I’m currently flying 18 hours to get home from Singapore, where I just spent two weeks in a clinic in Seoul, Korea, with a doctor that believes that rebuilding the immune system and healthy cells are the key to my recovery.
After a year of trying many pharmaceutical options, I have been looking in many different directions with an open mind to medicine of all cultures. I’ve been cautious with sharing the exact treatments I have tried, because at this point I don’t have a clear answer of what has worked and what has not. I take this journey as a huge responsibility and your letters motivate me every day to fight and continue my search around the world for an answer not only for myself, but also to share with all of you. The underlying causes of Lyme disease are diverse and complex, so a multifaceted healing approach is necessary. At this point there is no silver bullet for chronic neurological Lyme disease so please be aware and know that early detection is the best shot at this. Right now my symptoms are severe loss of brain function, including loss of words, short-term memory loss and the inability to absorb information. I’m also experiencing loss of eyesight, migraines, joint pain, numbness on part of my calves and chronic cough.
All of this leads me to detach and stay isolated, praying for the storm to pass. I honestly don’t remember what it is like to be normal anymore. I know I used to be an energetic social butterfly with the ability to juggle many balls at once and thrive on it. But now, trying to write this blog is like putting a needle into a very small hole, it’s become difficult to communicate and find the right words in your brain when your memory’s “Google” is not working. My brain slowly goes around the obstacle and eventually finds another word to use, but my writing and conversational skills seem to have lost their intelligence.
My husband has been relentless, he is my guiding light. He has put together another medical team with doctors who focus on infectious disease, neurology and other brain specialists to get a different perspective and make sure there is no stone left unturned. I recently was admitted to the hospital to have a spinal tap for a spinal fluid study and extensive blood work only to get the same results. Sometimes you wish there was something hidden that would come up that is more easily treatable, but these are the cards life has dealt me so I will continue to travel this journey and trust the purpose is greater then I can see or imagine.
My children are my shining stars, and my commitment to being a mom and responsibility for their lives is what gets me out of bed every day. Sometimes I wonder how my spirit keeps going, but no matter how dark my days are, I always try to remember that there are people out there who have problems much bigger than mine and under much worse circumstances. If I am not going to fight this fight for all those people who can’t be heard, then who will?