No one is more self-critical than a woman who is about to expose herself (literally) to a new sexual partner. Time and childbirth are not kind to the hips and thighs and many women spend hours obsessing about cellulite and saggy breasts. Too many women avoid intimacy altogether because they are so self-conscious of their less than perfect bodies.
I have news for you. With few exceptions, he doesn’t notice and he doesn’t care. How do I know? I asked.
Last year over 3000 men and women took my SexAbility Survey and answered questions about sexual response, preferences and habits. Most of the survey answers are in my book, Love Sex Again, but one question did not make it to the book. I asked the guys, “What is your biggest turn off during sex? “As you can imagine, there were all kinds of comments, (tattoos, peasant like night attire, dandruff) but two general themes kept popping up:
Theme 1: The over whelming majority of remarks were not about the size or shape of a partner’s breasts, thighs or belly, but were about hygiene. That’s right, responses to “what turns you off” were dominated with statements like, “if she smells bad”, or ”if she has bad breath.” And then there was my favorite comment – ” a smelly forest is no fun to play in.”
Theme 2: The second largest number of gripes from the men had nothing to do with appearance, but rather with a lack of response on the part of the woman during lovemaking. The guys complained that women would too often “lose focus,” “drift away,” “not participate,” “not reciprocate” “not react,” or even worse, ”fall asleep.”
So, did you get that ladies? You don’t need to wax your legs, highlight your hair and liposuction your thighs to make him happy. Simply take a shower and brush your teeth. If there is a persistent vaginal odor despite meticulous hygiene, get to your doctor and find out why. Above all, let him know that you like what he is doing. Show a little enthusiasm – reciprocate!
I can already hear your comments. “Are you kidding? What about his bad breath? His gross toenails? The fact that he expects me to have an orgasm just because he has walked in the room? Or worse, doesn’t notice or care if anyone other than him has an orgasm!”
So now it’s your turn. When I did the first SexAbility survey, I never asked the women about what repelled them about the men in their beds. I thought only women would read Love Sex Again and didn’t need that advice.Well I was wrong. A lot of guys are reading Love Sex Again (forward thinking guys that want to understand women) and they are dying to know what they are doing wrong. So take a few minutes to take this survey about the things that turn you off the most. Next blog, I will reveal your answers.